On being a teenage girl.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

On being a teenage girl.

dearcoketalk:

I’m 15 and I recently broke up with my first boyfriend, after 2 and a half years of dating and a year and a half of long distance. I’m over him, but since I was just 13 when I got together with him, I’m new to this whole being single thing, and it bothers me that people see me as available, because I don’t consider myself to be available.

Then I met this guy who I kinda fell for real hard, and he seems to be falling for me too. The thing is, he not only has a girlfriend, he’s one of those people who likes to indulge in other girls while dating someone. People like him always bothered me, but now I just want to take whatever he gives and run with it.

He’s also a really close friend of mine and he shares his problems and all with me, like girl problems, too. And it hurts when he talks about her. A couple of days ago, they were having a huge fight, and I could have gotten in his head and broken them up, I guess, but I didn’t. I told him he should hang on and try to make it work.

Would you say it’s either of the things I’m doing is a good idea? I just need a little help, please.

Your numbers don’t add up, but for the sake of argument lets just go with the stereotype and assume you’re bad at math.

As it stands, you’re a fifteen year old girl coming out of a four year relationship whose primary complaint is that men are finding you too available. Right, well. That’s already nice and creepy.

Let me guess. You’ve had tits since you were eleven, and you come from central Florida or some other third-world country. You’re a little bit overweight, a little bit religious, and you swallow male attention without chewing it.

You’ve figured out the awkward power you have over boys, but you don’t have a fucking clue what to do with it. That makes you a dangerous little creature, a backwoods shotgun wedding waiting to happen.

Whatever you do, sweetie, please don’t get pregnant. I’m willing to bet it’s a long drive to planned parenthood, and you don’t even have a learner’s permit.

As for the stupid mind games you’re playing, just be a good person and treat yourself with respect. I promise, you’ll have lots of crushes. Most of it’s bullshit and none of it really matters for a few more years.

Your only goal should be to learn to love yourself. If you can pull that off before the real world gets you, it’ll be a different kind of life.

Oh, so true. As much as it sucks to hear, most fifteen year olds don’t know what the hell they want. And even if they do, i can almost guarantee that drama with your best friend-now-lover’s girlfriend is not it.

I don’t know who the person before Rana is, but there really isn’t any need to be so hard on her. She’s fifteen.. weren’t we all? I don’t think she’s trying to be a slut, or manipulate guys.. she’s just young and confused. The math is a little off, but maybe she meant 13 when they first got together in person, not factoring in the long distance. idk? Because if you’re only looking at the 2 1/2 years, the 13 and 15 could make sense. Anyway, that’s irrelevant.

Now, I don’t know the person who posted this in the first place either, but it seems like you’ve bitten off a little more than you can chew. Having entered a 2 1/2 -4 year(?) relationship at 11-13(?) years old, I’m not surprised you’re this confused. Really, being in any kind of romantic relationship at 11 or 12 is kinda messed up, in my personal opinion. But that’s just me.. I don’t know you and I’m not in a position to judge you, and even if I could, the past is the past. We can’t change that now.

Now, you say it bothers you that guys see you as available. To some extent, guys will think whatever they’re gonna think, and say whatever they’re gonna say. As far as that goes, you just have to let that go and assure yourself that you’re better than that. But, you have a lot of power over how people see you, too. If you don’t want people to see you as available, you really need to make sure you aren’t.. coming across as available.. you know what I mean? I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you’re fifteen. I remember when I was 15, my freshman year was probably actually one of my best years. I felt so full of life, so confident. I just felt like I could handle anything that came my way. But trust me, just when you feel like you have it all figured out, life throws you plenty more curve balls to put you back in your place. And that’s true at every age, not just yours. Life is smarter than all of us. So just remember that you have a lot ahead of you.

I’m sure you probably get tired of hearing how much you have to learn, and having the abstinence-until-marriage doctrine shoved down your throat. And that’s not what I’m trying to do, necessarily. But you’re only fifteen. And really, I don’t even know whether your having sex or not, apparantly mr. or ms. dearcoketalk seems pretty convinced you are.. lol.. but I do know that if you are, you’re playing with a fire that you won’t be able to put out. Again, I’m not trying to say wait until you’re 32 and have a masters and a career making $85k to get married, and don’t ever have sex until you’re married. Because I can’t even tell you how completely and utterly stupid and lacking in common sense I think that doctrine is. But I am saying that you should wait until you’re not fifteen.. and you have more of a clue about… life, the universe, anything. I know it feels weird being single, but trust me. You REALLY need it. You need to wait until you have more of a clue about relationships, guys, about yourself for that matter.